That’s why I like WordPress, I can follow myself and I haven’t been on a site yet where I otherwise could. Yes I am aware I am talking to myself. That’s the gift-what happens in my mind, stays in my mind. A good coping mechanism when one has lost their marbles and is still hungry, is the imagination. Oh this came about when……
I realized this morning how serious and quiet, even boring and bitchy I have been lately. It’s not like I am trying to get out of the responsibility of my actions but do confess book promoting is such a drag. One month of promoting now and it never occurred to me I could take a break or try and work on my next novel. Having said that my genius mind has decided under no circumstances can I promote my novel, or I shall turn into an irreversible undertaker professionally.
Shit, I think I just promoted myself. OK, doesn’t count as I am trying to make excuses for my irritating, irresponsible, isolating, ignorant, illegal, instigating, intolerable, insensitive, insane, itchy, and intoxicated behavior. Yes I make myself laugh. I may add quite often, quite hard and for long periods of time. I think I am being tickled from a nervous breakdown. So I am here to counteract it with typing some thoughts for the moment, It won’t take long, as I have short term memory lapses.
Not in the telling a funny joke way, actually I never get jokes. But in a OMG kinda way. Difficult to explain and I so wish I was a writer to articulate my funniness or humor suppose is a more classy term. I’m all about class, oozes from me. Yep classy natural humor.
Thank goodness I find myself funny, most don’t. They think I am serious or weird or just don’t understand me, until of course, they get to know me.
That’s when the laughter is expected. Primarily from me. I am trying to think of some examples to demonstrate my hilarious demeanor.
I reckon the Three Musketeers are all doing poems in some fancy uptight format or version? I bet they are not expecting one from me about me [zip it]. Please do not be alarmed that I am talking to myself, I am kinda stuck doing so since ‘You’ [me] make me laugh is written to, about, for, from, well, me.
Well I made up my mind since my minds world got me started. It gave myself permission to publicly make an a** of myself [quite therapeutic if I do say]. It’s widget time and here’s what I’m thinking *giggles* [no control of bladder sometimes, sorry]
Today I shall be LEGO girl!
May I add that my mother told me; Imagination is said to be intelligence having fun. I like that. Though she said not to share it with people as it cycles too fast and teachers use to think I was trying to get thrown out of class. Well, unless WordPress has teachers, I feel pretty confident I am safe. If only I could just invent some intelligence, or find where I can buy it? Please advise if you can……… It’s OK your safe, I am not contagious [well there anyways].
Hope you guessed by now what makes me laugh is my own imagination. Good thing people can read my mind cause imagine if they couldn’t
Let’s imagine if…….
- I had an imagination
- siamese twins were formerly joined at the lips
- spin the bottle could only be played by schizophrenics
- there was a medical devise for reshaping the tongue
- men used portable urinals-remembering to shake
- that Britney was my daughter
- we gave out free earplugs to elephants
- all hot married men had single twin brothers
- if I wasn’t so funny
- if I understood what PSYCHOANALYTICAL meant
- I owned HubPages
- babies and elders didn’t poop their pants but the rest of us did
- the dictionary was funny
- Blowfish were the ones smuggling cocaine through the waterways
- Google slept, just even once
- cats could have a drivers licence
- seahorses discovered another side to the globe
- we could follow ourselves and leave awesome fan mail all over the net
- we could buy accolades or trade like hockey cards
- No one had hair except sunnieday and kimberly gray
- we could be immature forever
- we could eat right from our computer screens pictures of food [careful with the fish]
- Shamoo was a person in real life
- snakes all had a big nose
- OMG if I was not so smokin hot
- The automatic Umbrella doubled as a toiled when turned upside down [what? there are emergencies
- a vampire bit me, again but 3x now missed the spot
- if I was a writer
- all recipes were interactive
- school principles were not allowed to use their intercoms
- it was impossible to be famous
- you could induce an instant orgasm by scratching your head
- you could create itchy pink dandruff
- politicians didn't have artificial hearts
- parrots could only curse and swear
- OMG I wasn't so self-consumed
- if men wen't so confusing in bed
- you could eat your tickles
- I won some talent
- our bums were always exposed
- eating radishes grew hair on men and women's chests
- burkas were made of leather
- I could be of sound mind, and have volume controls
- Visa was a gift with each bible redeemable at any fast food restaurant
- the sound of dogs barks were farts and their farts made a bark
- if I was born a day earlier, how different my life might have been
- if we all would think alike - bet there would be a lot less humour
- if we never once had to get up in the morning
- a new pair of shoes came with every supersize meal
- SomewayOuttaHere learned to be cool and ride motorcycles
- the world all became Canadian citizens
- lineups were illegal
- I had boobies
- I was the face on the hundred dollar bill
- Heaven was at the pick up counter in Starbucks
- I wasn't long-winded
- Police wore tighter pants by 2 sizes
- the most elite golf courses in the world were in the bronx
- the duration of pregnancy was 3 hours, 4 with twins
- only truck drivers had emotions
- cure for hangovers were somersaults
- Wayne finally washed his willy
And imagine if...............
- if spiders wore tap shoes
- denture glue was a multi-purpose deodorant, and skin cream as well.
- jellyfish was delicious with peanut butter
- blogging increased your IQ [start-blog a lot!]
- superheroes wore trench coats with belts, not capes
- Denzel Washington proposed to me
- the playboy mansion was a gift from Hef
- beautiful brides didn’t get ugly later on
- colour coded souls so people could see right through you
- sex was a legal if we kept maintaining the 4x a day law
- snot did not exist
And imagine if…………….
- pornography was famous due to the fact the ‘actors’ had to be clothed
- those scam inheritance emails were real
- you could make money writing
- gambling was mandatory for all citizens until the age of 21
- WordPress also doubled as an ATM machine [get cash from CD slot]
- WordPress bought each blogger a racehorse of their choice
- Robert Downey Junior took me out on the ever waiting date in Bermuda
- a 6 pack really had 7 and the 7th was free
- there was a huge black market for buying and selling blogs using bookies as they would know how to stay under internet police radar
- imagine if I kept going ……………………..